“I wanted reassurance from my doctor. I wanted to hear that my son was a healthy three year old who was very active and would outgrow his constant fidgeting, his inability to sleep, his refusal to listen or learn. I was exhausted and somewhere in the back of my mind a sign kept flashing that something was just not right.”

Maze Crawler

Call it intuition or just plain observation, but there comes a moment when you have a gnawing feeling that something is just not right with your child’s behavior. After dragging yourself to bed exhausted night after night, frustrated by your efforts to control your child’s constant motion, fidgeting, fights with other children, obstructive behavior, uncoordinated movements or inability to complete the simplest task, the Aha moment hits. Maybe I’m not such a bad parent after all. Maybe there really is something else going on here.

When that moment comes, don’t panic. Call your pediatrician immediately and make an appointment to discuss your concerns. No one wants to hear that their child may have an underlying health issue, but if you remain open to your doctor’s suggestions, you will have taken the first step towards improving his/her life and your own.   Early intervention can spell the difference between success and failure, a satisfying home-life and healthy relationships.

Okay! You’ve gathered your courage and called. Some parents I have spoken with tell me that once they make the appointment, they feel foolish – as if they had blown things out of all proportion and are tempted to cancel.  Where our children’s health is concerned, it is often better to be certain than to assume we are wrong. It only prolongs and can even worsen the worry and lead to greater problems.

Before your appointment there are things you can do to help your doctor recommend the appropriate next step.  Gather whatever information you feel might be useful in making a diagnosis. These can include notes sent home from her/his teacher, number of days you have had to come home from work to handle behavioral problems, falls that were not severe enough for a doctor’s visit, fights your child may have had, email or notes from family members about disruptive actions and, of course, your own observations.

Next, jot down questions you want to ask your pediatrician. For me, the “mental” list doesn’t work. I am sure to forget something important when I am actually face to face with the doctor and trying to listen to what is being said.  Your list of questions might include:

1. Have you had experience diagnosing or treating children with a similar behavior pattern or would you recommend I consult a specialist?
2. What’s involved in finding out what might be wrong with my daughter/son? Will my child have to undergo tests and how invasive are they?
3. Will my child have to take medication? What are the possible side effects?  Are there alternatives to prescription medications?
4. Can therapy help?
5. Does nutrition play a part in either the problem or its solution? How about exercise?

These are only a few of the questions you might want to ask. Try to take notes so you can think about what was discussed when you are alone and are clear when you present the answers to your family, spouse or partner.  Take time to absorb what was said and to understand your feelings about treatment, medication, therapy and other concerns.  Now that you have taken the first step, you are on your way to solving the problem.  Good for you!

 “She had thrown out so much information it didn’t occur to me to question what she meant by hyperactive.  To me it just meant that Mark had a lot of energy, a normal state of affairs for a little boy. That was no problem because I was always on the go. Fine, I thought, my son will just go with me.”                     

Maze Crawler (page 20)          

               I first met my son on a chilly March morning. His foster mother suggested we get together at Verona Park because Mark needed a place to run. He showed no signs of shyness although we were strangers and, when my husband took his hand, he came with us willingly. For the next hour, he flew from sandbox to slide to swings, taking off without warning whenever the mood struck him.  When my husband grew tired, I took my turn, trailing after him as he ran across the open expanses of the park, his little legs churning faster and faster as he picked up speed.  When I asked his foster mother if he was always this active, she said, “One thing you’ll learn about Mark. He never gets tired. And he’s fearless. He gets into everything with no thought of the consequences.”   

 Most parents experience days when their pre-schoolers dance like whirling dervishes. No matter what toys you give them to play with or what activities you arrange for them to do, their energy spirals and both you and your child end up going to bed exhausted and in tears. That’s why ADHD and similar disorders are so difficult to diagnose in pre-school age children. Toddlers, in the course of their normal development, display inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity – the core behaviors that later form the diagnosis of ADHD disorders when the child fails to outgrow these disruptive actions.  By no means are all young children hyperactive, but some children, even as toddlers, appear to be running on full throttle all day, every day and even late into the night.

  If you are concerned that your child’s behavior might be outside the activity level of other children you observe, or if you notice behaviors that just don’t seem right, you are certainly not alone. Discovering ADHD disorders in young children is often a matter of degree, not kind. When observing your child, ask yourself how many times you have observed the distressing activity over the course of a week. Is it happening every day or many times in the course of a day? Have you said to yourself or others, “He always seems like he’s somewhere else. I have to speak to him ten times and even then I’m not sure he’s heard me,” or “I ask her so many times to go upstairs and get dressed and when I follow up, she’s either jumping on her bed or running wildly from the bathroom to the bedroom and back again,” or “He’s so reckless and always getting hurt. This is the second trip to the emergency room this week. I’ve been there so often they don’t ask for my information any more. They just look up the last visit on the computer.” If so, then it’s time to talk to your pediatrician.

 When discussing your concerns with your doctor, there are a number of signs you will want to bring to her/his attention. Be as clear as you can about the number of times you have observed these behaviors over a period of time.

• Difficulty paying attention. These behaviors may include inability to understand instructions, running away when you are speaking directly to your child, inability to focus on an activity, severe distractibility.
• Impulsivity. Constantly interrupting others when they are speaking, refusing to wait their turn, frequent emotional outbursts, throwing or breaking toys when they are frustrated, grabbing other children’s toys.
• Fidgeting. Squirming or fidgeting when seated, tapping their fingers continually or banging things on the table, picking up and playing with objects such as utensils or salt shakers during meals, talking constantly, running from toy to toy but unable to settle on one, non-stop motion.
• Recklessness. Aggressive behavior, no fear of strangers, endangering self and others, lack of proper caution.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your pediatrician or other professional about your concerns. Many parents are reluctant to bring up problems in their toddler’s behavior because they blame themselves.  Some feel that inexperience in bringing up children is the reason they are having parenting difficulties while others worry that they are not setting appropriate boundaries. The truth is that you might be doing everything right and still experiencing problems because of a condition outside of your control.  Speaking with your doctor is the first step in providing a better parenting experience for yourself and a better childhood for your preschooler.  

Our first thoughts when writing Maze Crawler: A Family in Crisis was that our story was not unique. Usually when you start out to write a book, you try to find a twist or angle that makes your tale different than other books on the market. But that was not our purpose. We wanted to write a book that others going through the difficult experience of raising troubled children could identify with. So many parents, so many families caught in the system feel they are alone in their quest to find help for their children. Through the years we have spoken with anguished families who only want the best for their sons and daughters and, yet, could not find their way through the bureaucratic maze to get the help they needed.  Although each family is unique, their stories hang on a common thread- how do I find the help I need for my child? Although Maze Crawler is the intimate life story of one woman and her son who fought the system, it is a universal story of courage that will give those engaged in the same struggle help and the comfort of knowing they are not alone.

Welcome to our website.  All of us are on a journey through life, but some of us have more obstacles to overcome than others. Our hope is that the information and discussion you find here will provide some guideposts to help you along the way. We hope you will share your stories with us as we have shared with you and together find ways to help families in crisis.

Our book, Maze Crawler: A Family in Crisis is the beginning of our journey. It is the story of a mother’s struggle to find help for her disabled son and the obstacles she encounters in the maze of the bureaucratic underground. Adoption, foster care, divorce, ADHD, bullying, mental illness, special education, juvenile delinquency, depression, hospitalizations and the criminal justice system form the obstacle course she needs to run before help can be reached. For those struggling along an equally rocky path, there is much to identify with here. Poignant, often humorous, always compassionate, Maze Crawler is above all a story of the love, courage, compassion and hope that all caring parents and educators share. We hope our readers will find comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that, through a community of others walking the same path, even the most difficult of obstacles can be overcome.